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zao
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« on: July 05, 2009, 07:33:05 PM » |
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For those of you who are fans of the show and can't wait til August 7th for new episode, I though I'd let you all know that I'm currently writing an episode and am about a 4th of the way through. Let me know what you think!
here's my first draft of scene's 1-4
Psych Episode: Gus, there’s a dead guy on the floor!
(Opening scene)
Shawn and Gus just got back from a coffee run, and are walking towards there office.
Shawn: Gus, The obvious reason I don’t like conditioner is it leaves my hair with no flare whatsoever, it makes it all shiny and smooth, but where is the substance? The passion? (Opens door)
Gus: I don’t know what you’re talking about Shawn, it reduces the wear on your hair over time, gives it a more noticeable appearance, and why are we even talking about this now?
Shawn: I don’t know…
Better call the chief, make sure we aren’t sent in tomorrow. Today’s my birthday and it’s time to part-ay! Holla!
Gus: Just don’t bring in those exotic dancers like you did last year, you know, I’m still positive one of them was a guy!
Shawn: Relax, I checked with the business that runs it, there aren’t any guys there…anymore.
Gus: What do you mean…anymore?
Shawn: Oh look, Marley and me is on tonight. Gus, you should go soo DVR this. Spoiler, Marley dies in the end.
Gus: You didn’t answer my question. What about the…
AND THEN… (Both stare in shock at a dead body on the floor!)
Shawn: Guuuusss, is he dead?
Gus: I’m too afraid to check.
He’s not moving…
Shawn: Well of course not, he’s probably just resting from a long day…
Gus: On our kitchen floor? In the middle of the afternoon?
Then why is his skin all white?
Shawn: Probably because he’s not soaking in enough sun, you know, I hear a lot of Americans have decided to go albino these days.
Gus: Then how do you explain the blood on his shirt?
Shawn: There’s blood on his waa???
Both: EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!
(Shawn and Gus run to the car)
Gus: I told you. I told you he was dead! (Gus starts breathing insanely fast and takes out an inhaler so he can breathe), we’ve got a dead body on our kitchen floor, been sitting there for who knows how long, with our fingerprints all over the doors and windows, how are we going to explain this to the police?
Shawn: When did you start using an inhaler? And relax, will just tell them we went out for coffee, came back, saw the body, and screamed like little girls til’ we wet ourselves in a moment of panic.
Gus: Very funny, at least I’m not the one who spilled coffee all over his 100 dollar shirt.
Shawn: It was 5 dollars at TJ max. But that’s beside the point; I need to have a look at the body.
Gus: Oh no, I’m not going back in there. Looking at a dead body is bad luck, it’s cursed Shawn.
Shawn: Gus it’s not an “it”, it’s a he….or at least he was until some punk bashed his head open on our kitchen counter. And for the last time, a body can’t be cursed, sure it can be burned and beaten, possibly fired at, zipped up in a body bag, but it’s still a person no doubt.
Gus: Nuhhh uh, I am NOT going in there.
Shawn: Fine, be that way. But I’m sure the guy who did this is probably still around here somewhere, so if you wanna play victim, go right ahead.
(Gus runs in behind him)
Gus: What now?
Shawn: I don’t know (Shawn stares at the body) there’s something about his shirt, it fits so nicely with those jeans, and the haircut is just so, sheik. This guy was a total wanna-be ladies man.
(Shawn notices something)
Look there.
Gus: Where?
Shawn: There, in his jean pocket.
(Shawn pulls something out of it)
It’s a note.
Shawn reads “You found this letter, because today, could be your last chance, to live and pay, follow my instructions, and do them right, and when tomorrow comes, I just might, spare your life”. – The Executioner
Shawn: What? Another Ying Yang wanna be killer?
Gus: No, this one is different, it’s like he wants us to know it’s a game.
There are no stakes, only rules.
Shawn: Yes one rule, live and play, or lose and die.
(Theme song)
Scene 2: At the scene of the crime.
(Outside the office in the parking lot)
Lassiter: Okay, so tell us what happened?
Shawn: Would you like the edited version, or the extended cut with deleted scenes and outtakes?
Gus: What Shawn’s trying to say is, we left the office around 11:30 to go out for some coffee,(Jules: Right.) when we came back at 11:45, there the was the body on our kitchen floor, which I won’t be cooking in now for a month, if ever.
Lassiter: And thisss, just happened? No suspicious activity in the area during this time?
Shawn: Look, Lassie pants, its simple, we came in, saw the body laying there on the floor, like a helpless little baby bird, came out, and called the police.
Jules: And you guys didn’t do anything to the body? Is that correct?
Shawn: Yes, that’s correct. Why do you always have to assume things Jules? Do I look like the kinda guy who’d do things to a dead body?
……
Okay, let me rephrase that, do I sound like I’d do something like that?
Jules: No, I guess not.
Lassiter: Good, now it’s time to take them in for further questioning.
Jules: What? Why?
Lassiter: Look, O’Hara. Spencer’s been a huge thorn in my side since he started helping the department 4 years ago. Look at this as my reward to him. (Looks sharply at Spencer)
Shawn: (Shawn whispers to Gus) why is Lassie looking at me that way?
Gus: Could be because were his top suspects in a murder investigation.
Shawn: What? That’s insane?
Lassiter: Well, until further evidence is shown proving you’re “supposed” innocence, you’re coming with us.
Shawn: Jules, seriously?
Jules: Afraid so…
Shawn: Fine, but I’m riding shotgun.
Lassiter: Oh no you don’t, your riding in the back, where all the other low lives go.
Shawn: Can’t we compromise? Trade seats halfway? Maybe even stop for food?
You know, I hear this place called taco casa has a special on there famous nachos, comes with this dipping sauce that tastes delicious with…
Lassiter: Will you please shut up? Cuff em’ O’Hara!
Jules: Sorry Gus…
Gus: It’s alright; I know you didn’t mean to wrongly accuse us of 1st degree murder.
Lassiter: Spencer, I’ve wanted to do this a long time.
Shawn: Can you please have Jules do it? I’ve always wanted to know what it would feel like to be cuffed by those sweet, soft, innocent looking hands…
(Lassie shoves Shawn into the car rather roughly)
Lassie: Alright, that’s enough out of you. Both of you. (Stares at Gus)
(Shawn and Gus talk in the back of the car)
Shawn: What is Lassies problem today?
I mean look, his hairs looks messed up, he’s got little lassies standing up in the back of his neck, and (stares at coffee cup) he ordered decaf with no cream today!
Gus: Yeah, something’s up. And I think I know what it is.
Shawn: What? What is it?
Gus: Shawn, for once, I’m not telling you what it is.
Shawn: C’mon Gus, you know I still have those Spiderman pajamas you wore back in 7th grade; I can sell them on Ebay for half the price without you ever noticing a thing.
Gus: You wouldn’t!
Shawn: Oh yes, oh yes I would!
Gus: That’s pretty low, threatening me Shawn.
Shawn: It’s not a threat; it’s a special request with underlying and seemingly methodical circumstances (a la you telling me what lassies big secret is!).
Gus: If I told you, I’d have to kill you.
Shawn: Oh right, and why is that?
Gus: Because that way lassie wouldn’t get to me if I kill you first.
Shawn: Oh pish posh, I’ll find another way to obtain this information somehow… (Sees McNab)
Shawn: HEY MCNAB!
Buzz: Yes?
Shawn: What’s up with lassie today? He seems to have woken up on the wrong side of his mother’s bed, probably because his morning coffee smells like a caveman prepared it.
Buzz: Oh, how did you know?
Shawn: Knowww what? That lassie takes sewing lessons on the weekends from old ladies in silver gowns? Yes, I believe so.
Buzz: No, not that.
(Buzz moves in closer)
Buzz: Lassiter moved in with his parents about two weeks ago, and he’s keeping very hush hush about the whole thing.
Shawn: Hush hush? Gus, why didn’t you tell me about this when you found out?
Gus: Juliet made me pinky swear not to tell you Shawn, you never back off from a pinky swear! Ever! That’s like code rule number 1.
Shawn: Well whatever. We need to figure out how to use this information to our advantage…
Gus: We? Umm no, your in this all by yourself Shawn. I’m out.
Shawn: Well technically, your still in the police car, so out really doesn’t make sense.
Unless you escaped, but then that would mean being chased by the cops until your pants fell between your ankles, how embarrassing…
Gus: It was a figure of speech.
Shawn: Right, I knew that.
Gosh…what’s taking lassie and them so long? After all, it’s just a body.
Lassiter: Back away from the building! I repeat back away from the building! There’s a bomb inside, I repeat a bomb inside! All units back away from the…
EXPLOSION!!!!!!!!!!
Gus: Did you see that?
Shawn: Yeah, I think I did. Someone’s out to kill us…
(Commercial break)
Scene 3: Uncovering the mystery
(Back at the station)
Lassiter: Are you sure?
Shawn: Yes I’m sure! All Gus and I did was go out for coffee and come back, nothing more, nothing less.
Lassiter: You better be telling me the truth. Or I swear I’ll rip the hairs on your head off one by one until all that’s left is you crying for your mommy like the helpless little baby you really are.
Shawn: Good luck, that’s going to take awhile.
Gus: A few days at least, even if he didn’t stop for breaks.
Lassiter: I can’t believe this… Chief, can I talk to you for a minute?
(Lassie goes through the door)
Lassiter: Chief, there hiding something. And until I find out what it is, I ask that you cooperate with me and hold these men until further questioning.
Chief: Lassiter, This is Spencer and Guster, not bonnie and Clyde. It’s not like they did anything wrong here. I mean, yes. I find it a little suspicious as to how the body ended up there. But c’mon, just look at them (Shawn and Gus are smiling and looking like statues). Do those look like the faces of suspected killers to you?
Lassiter: No, but they look like possible suspected killers who need to be taught a lesson.
Chief: What exactly are you up to detective?
Lassiter: Uhhh, nothing. Nothing at all, I’m just saying that the only leads we have in this investigation are the ones provided by Spencer and Guster. What harm can 12 more hours do?
Chief: Alright, 12 more hours. After that I expect a full report on my desk first thing tomorrow in my office.
(Lassiter starts walking away)
Chief: And Lassiter.
Lassiter: Yes Chief?
Chief: Be nice? It’s the kid’s birthday after all, give him a break.
Lassiter: Will do chief.
(Shawn and Gus talk while Lassie’s with the chief)
Gus: What do you mean no?
Shawn: I’m just saying, no matter how many times you make me watch it, I’m never going to like Gidget goes to Rome.
Gus: It was a sixties classic Shawn.
Shawn: No, American graffiti was a classic, Gidget is just. Torture: Honestly Gus, does the cheesy-esque singing and low level acting not do it for you? I honestly don’t know how much more I can take, having that annoying musical score popping in and out of my head all day.
Gus: It is quite addicting.
(Jules walks in)
Jules: Okay guys, Lassiter’s not playing nice today (Shawn interrupts)
Shawn: You mean, that was him being nice?
Jules: More or less, yes.
Shawn: Wow, I’d hate to see him try and sit through the Notebook. Oh and Jules, might I add that you are looking mighty foxy today? Especially in that new blouse, red, nice color, accentuates the eyes and makes them sparkle.
And is that Ralph Lauren perfume I smell?
Jules: Wait what? I came in here to ask you if there’s anything you’re not telling us about the case.
Shawn: And what would a guy like me be hiding from a beautiful woman like you? With new highlights?
Jules: I thought I’d treat myself to a little shopping. A girls gotta reward herself every once and awhile. Especially with all the work they’ve been piling down on my desk lately. And most of it is just paperwork. Not to mention my brothers coming into town Friday…
Shawn: Jules, you didn’t tell us you had a brother?
Jules: Well, half brother. His name’s mark, he’s sixteen; apparently I’m supposed to be watching him while my parents are off to Cabo for two weeks.
Shawn: Yikes. And why haven’t you told us about him before?
Jules: Because he sort of has a record, and a short temper. My parents told me not to tell anyone here until the timing seemed right.
Shawn: Why is that?
(A kid in a black jacket and sun glasses walks in through the police station doors in slow motion)
Jules: AH! He’s here…
Shawn: How do you know?
Jules: Trust me, I know.
(Cuts to the scene with the kid walking up to a police office desk)
(Pulls off sunglasses)
Mark: Hi, I’m looking for a detective O’Hara.
Jules: Oh no, he’s coming this way (covers eyes)
(Doors burst open)
Mark: Hey sis.
(Commercial break)
Scene 4: The half brother.
Shawn: So this is Mark.
Jules: I thought you weren’t coming into town until Friday?
Mark: Change of plans, mom and dad left early so they could get a discount on there plane tickets.
Jules: And they didn’t bother calling first?
Mark: Oh they did, they told me to tell you... I must have forgotten to call before I flew out here. Oh well.
Jules: You flew? By yourself?
Mark: Yeah, I’m 16. I think I’m old enough to fly on a plane by myself.
(Stares at Shawn and Gus)
Mark: Hey, are these guys wanted for like murder or something?
Shawn: Why? Do we look like the murdering kind to you?
Mark: No, but the guy on your left is looking pretty suspicious.
Shawn: Gus here just has a nervous tick. He’ll be fine.
Gus: I haven’t used the bathroom in twelve hours Shawn. How do you think I feel?
Shawn: I told you to go before we left.
Gus: There was a body on our floor Shawn! It was a crime scene, now our office is blown up and I’m not sure if the insurance is going to pay for it all.
Shawn: Relax; I’m sure a welfare check will hold us by until we…
Mark: Wow, what a couple of losers.
(Shawn and Gus stare up at him)
Shawn: Pardon?
Mark: Just look at you two, one of you has a sweat stained shirt, and the other one smells like garbage.
Shawn: Hey, I have normal sweat glands thank you very much!
Mark: I was talking about him (points to Gus)
(Gus looks down at pits)
Gus: Well, it is hot outside!
Shawn: But were inside…
Gus: Whatever, I don’t have to answer to you Shawn.
(Shawn turns to Mark)
Shawn: Hi, I’m Shawn Spencer. (Goes out to shake hand)
Mark: And let me guess, your “Gus-sweat stains Mc-Guster” is that correct?
Shawn: Wow, he is good!
Anyways. Nice to meet you. Juliet here has told us so little about you.
Mark: Yeah. And why is that sis?
Jules: Because (starts pulling Mark away toward the door) Mom and dad don’t want you getting into trouble, so they told me to introduce you to as little people as possible.
Shawn: Do you mean little people as in dwarves?
Jules: I mean little people as in no one steps into the same room as him, unless you’re prepared to lose your wallet.
(Shawn and Gus check pockets)
Gus: Hey! Where’s my wallet?
Shawn: Mine too!
(Juliet pulls the wallets out of marks coat pocket and tosses them to Shawn and Gus, and finally manages to get Mark out the door)
Jules: See, I told you he was trouble.
Shawn: Hey, I have twenty bucks missing out of here, Gus let me see if…
Gus: No Shawn (sees wallet) Hey he stole my hundred dollar gift card from best buy! I got that as a present from my mom last year for my birthday. I’m going to…
Jules: Relax; I’ll take care of it. But for now, you still haven’t answered my question.
Is there anything…
Shawn: Wait, wait. Stop. Is that your brother I see stealing candy from the vending machine?
Jules: Oh no, just one second. Don’t move!
Shawn: Gus, is it me. Or does that kid look a whole lot like Zack Efron to you?
Gus: I hear that!
(Jules confronts Mark and forces him to sit down and wait)
(Shawn and Gus banter)
Shawn: Hey what is up with Jules? She’s looking hot in that new blouse. But there’s something else about her that seems different…
Gus: What, you mean her new SUV that’s out front?
Shawn: No not that, wait, what? Jules bought an SUV? Who buys an SUV these days? Desperate soccer moms in need of a pick up ride?
Gus: OH trust me, you haven’t seen this Shawn. It’s huge! I have a picture of it in my wallet.
Shawn: You do? Who keeps a picture of an SUV in there wallet?
Gus: Shut up and just look (hands it to Shawn).
Shawn: Wow your right, she is huge.
Gus: She? (Notices that Shawn was looking at the photo for the biggest loser’s new season) Turn it around.
Shawn: OH I (notices something on the vehicle). Gus, I saw this exact same car yesterday right in front of the coffee shop.
Gus: So?
Shawn: So there was no license plate on it.
Gus: And you didn’t find that suspicious?
Shawn: No, if this is a new car it means it’s hardly been on the market. Plates don’t always come in on time.
Gus: True, but you have to have one on the vehicle in order to sell it. Which means…?
Shawn: Someone drove by our office in a stolen SUV the same day we almost get blown up like hot air balloons! Coincidence? I think not!
(Shawn starts dancing along with Gus)
Shawn: We’ve got ourselves a ca-ase we’ve got ourselves a ca-ase!
Gus: shhhh, she’s coming back!
(Both shush each other)
(Jules walks in)
Jules: Okay, sorry. So, is there anything you’re not telling us about this case?
Shawn: You mean, aside from the fact that our office was blown to smithereens, You looking sexy in those high heels, Gus and I winding up riding in the back of a police car, which I swear smelled like the inside of a garbage truck. Your little brother trying to rob us, AND, losing all of the “my little pony” dolls Gus had hidden in his desk. Yeah, I think so.
Gus: Shawn, how did you know about those?
Shawn: I came across your collection while snooping through your stuff last week; I’m still looking for that Lionel Richie mix tape you stole from me in 7th grade.
Gus: I didn’t steal it,
Shawn: Oh right, and it just “magically” disappeared from my backpack while I was enjoying the nice turkey sandwich my mom prepared for me in my lunch box.
Gus: You don’t even like turkey sandwiches!
Shawn: So? You still stole it!
Gus: For the last time. You placed your backpack down on the table, we ate our lunch. That’s it. End of discussion!
Shawn: Nooo, you were talking with Lucy Chang remember? She was a huge Lionel Richie fan! Remember that thing she started with those nerdy kids from gleek club?
Gus: You mean “love doctors anonymous”?
Shawn: Yeah that’s it, hey, how did you remember the name?
Gus: Uhhh…
Shawn: You were in the club weren’t you?
Gus: So what if I was?
Shawn: So what if you were? It proves you stole the tape!
Gus: How? Tell me how Shawn! I didn’t take the tape!
Shawn: Oh right, *starts humming Lionel Richie song*.
Gus: You know I didn’t take it!
Shawn: Oh right, as if I’m going to believe you? Mister mix tape snatcher.
Jules: Alright! Guys, that’s it! Gus, apologize to Shawn.
Gus: For what?
Jules: For making him think you stole the mix tape, when you obviously didn’t.
And Shawn
Shawn: Yes buttercup?
Jules: Apologize to Gus,
Shawn: What, I didn’t do anything. Gus started it; I was just eating my lunch (Gus interrupts)
Gus: What!? You know I didn’t take it, I was sitting next to you watching you eat the entire time (both start bickering back and forth between each other rather comically, with physical fighting aka girly hand waves thrown in).
(Lassiter walks in)
Lassiter: Okay that’s enough! Now I say we take these two rascals out of here, and put them in a holding cell until were ready to begin with phase 2 of our questioning.
Shawn: Phase two?
Lassiter: Yeah, Phase two. It comes right after phase 1.
Shawn: And that would be?
Lassiter: I don’t have to answer to you, O’Hara. Take em’ out of here and put them in there holding cell.
Jules: Okay but.
Lassiter: Don’t okay me, just do it.
Shawn: Ouch, that’s a little rough. Sure it’s not because poor wittle Lassie face didn’t get his coffee this morning?
Lassiter: No it’s not that…
Shawn: Oh wait, I’m sensing something… (Begins shaking and putting hands to head).Your (freezes for a second) living with your parents until the divorce settlement closes aren’t you?
Lassiter: No…why would you think that?
Shawn: Gus do you see this? Can it be more obvious? You haven’t shaved in three days and your shirt’s buttoned up so high that it looks ridiculous, only a mother would dress her son like that, she even did your hair with the little curls on the ends didn’t she? Oh and, your wife’s (Lassiter: Ex wife) is releasing the funds from the settlement to an offshore account where she’ll use the money to buy a brand new European sports car that comes with a killer engine and luxury custom leather seats.
Lassiter: Wait, how did you know about that?
Shawn: 4 Years at the department and you still haven’t gotten it by now? I’m a psychic, and you my friend, have just been served. Holla! *high fives with Gus*
(Walks out rather hip hoppishly with arms waving at sides while Gus follows from behind)
Gus: How did you know about the Sports car?
Shawn: I spotted Lassies ex wife yesterday at the coffee shop talking with some man about European designer hand bags and luxury custom cruisers…put the two and two together and.
Gus: You get a sports car, nice work! I still don’t understand why you haven’t mentioned this to Juliet yet either.
Shawn: I will, just relax; it’s just going to take me some time right now to figure out this case, so many things aren’t making sense, like for instance, why would someone leave an eviction notice on our front door when the rent isn’t even due until next month?
Gus: You saw an eviction notice on the door and didn’t bother telling me about it?
Shawn: I thought it was a prank, so I tossed it in the trash.
Oh look, a bubblegum wrapper (bends over) I bet it has one of those funny jokes inside (opens it up)
Clue 1# Find me at dawn, hiding under a bush, between 7th street, is where you will look. If you follow the plan, according to flight, you will see your next sunset, until then comes daylight.
Gus: What is it?
Shawn: I think we are in trouble, we’re his next targets.
(Two teenage kids bump into them while they are being escorted by police officers)
Both: Hmmp.
Mexican boy 1: Oh we are so sorry mister! Let me help you fix your shirt.
Shawn: Whoa whoa, no touchy!) Who are you two? Paco and senior’ Goushbod?
Mexican boy 2: No, no, I am Marcos, and this is my brother, Julio. We are workers for Mr. Rodeli. We work at his farmhouse out in southeast Santa Barbara?
Gus: Oh yeah I heard about you two on the news, you stole that guys car! And murdered his wife!
Julio: NO, no! We are innocent I tell you!
Shawn: Right, you and every other half man, half Spanish speaking Latino boy in the Southern California region!
Marcos: No, look it! (Shows Shawn the paper)
See! His body was found in a field just outside of the city; Julio and I were busy attending to the crops when this happened!
Gus: Were there any witnesses to prove your innocence?
Julio: No, that’s why we need your help!
Gus: Our help, I don’t know about you, but Shawn and I just had our building blown up, and there’s a killer on the loose and…
Shawn: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shush, ix nay on the urderer may okay?
Marcos: What are you two talking about?
Shawn: Nothing, alright, Gus and I will help you, under one condition. (Both boys: Yes?) You two need to find a way to distract those two lovely policewomen over there while Gus and I plot our escape.
END
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